Recovery...

So.. it's been a month since I've gotten back from Perú.. and it's been about 2 months since my last blog. But The thing that is sad is that I find myself to wanting be here, like it hurts.. everything reminds me of something that has happened in Perú. I'm just going to throw this out there so everyone knows, because I'm tired of hiding it. While I was in Perú... I made several friends.. and they were very good to me. They did not try to hurt me, yell at me, get mad at me or anything.. they only showed the true love of Jesus Christ in people who I thought wouldn't even show it. But through my friends there, I met a guy. His name is Poll, yes.. I know it's a weird name.. but he was a good guy. But when I was there, we had a thing.. nothing bad.. I swear to you.. but yes I guess you could say I had a tiny "relationship" with him and he told me before I left that he would wait for me, that he would remember me, and that next year when I return... we would end up together..and that next year would be better. At the time he told me this, I honestly felt like.. "Yeah.. right.." and I thought that I would be fine because he's just a guy that I met there...we had fun..whatever. But now, back in the land of the lonely... I miss having him around.. and what hurts is that I now find out that he is with another girl...that he only talks to me on special occasions. It hurts because I, for the first time in my life, let someone have a piece of my heart. With that said... that is NOT the reason why I do not like living here.
In Perú things are simpler, things are old-fashioned, things are what I need them to be. I was able to actually live... to live where I didn't have the distractions from McDonalds, from driving my own car, from my macbook pro (even tho I love it), and yes.. even from the presidential election! I got to work my dream job, I got to make connections that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life, I got to learn more of the culture that I crave... I just want to go back, I want to live there.. but I know that I need to finish school before I do anything.. but it's so so sooo hard...and half the time I don't know if I can make it. I just need encouragement.. I try to seem upbeat, perky and in a good mood.. but I need to stay true to God... I need him more than anything and I feel like I'm drifting away.
But yes, anyways.. we're talking about recovery...my culture shock is bizarre:
*At times I think to myself, am I able to flush toilet paper here..?
*When I speak in English, sometimes I get Spanish words mixed in there... and I get funny looks from people cause I have slang words, proper English and Spanish in the same sentence. :S
*Seeing my cousin preggo was weird.. especially at her baby shower because I wanted to talk to her in Spanish.. but all her friends were there. (**side note: Suzy is probably the only one that can understand half of what I'm going through. She is half and half like me, but we grew up VERY differently, but I still like talking to her because she actually listens to what I have to say and puts some good thoughts in my head after I'm all done... though I have Christi ><, Suzy is my confidante when it comes to stuff about Perú**)
*When I read English, I feel like I should be correcting it, because that's what I did when I was at MTRSS (Museo Tumbas Reales del Señor de Sipán).
*I still carry around toilet paper around with me just in case there's a stall w/o toilet paper (btw that came in handy today when I found out the stall in my room was out of it! YAY!)
*I try to walk everywhere, though now I am Americanized.. and I have Dora soooo.. yeah..
*I crave to find another person to talk Spanish to just so I can feel like I'm still in touch with my heritage.
*It's starting to get cold, really cold.. and I just want to be in the warm weather that the Peruvians call winter.
*I feel like every time my school serves me rice.. it's not right.. there's no garlic, no pollo.. nothing.. it's just like white mush.
*...I also feel like i need some chicha morada.. like.. at every meal :( (chicha morada is a drink that is very ancient..not the drink itself.. just the recipe.. anywho.. it's a drink that's made from boiling the natual purple corn that is found in Peru so that the water is purple and brown sugar is added.. its so so sooo good!.. i miss it)
*I miss being taller than most of the people around me.. here I have guys that are 6' 11" and girls that are 6' 5"... i liked being the tallest down there..
*I miss the relationship I had with God. There I had a clear mind, I knew what I wanted, I knew why I was there, I knew that he loved me.. here I don't feel that.. I find myself searching, wandering, lost.
*I miss walking the streets at night. Though it is/was dangerous... I still was able to feel the chilly breeze, the hustle and bustle of people around me. Seeing people who haven't even heard the word of the Lord yet, seeing people lay on the sidewalk to sleep, having to protect my pockets, having to put my coin purse in my bra so no one could get it.
*Going to walmart.. I think that they will have mangos the size of my head.. when in reality.. they are the size of an avacado.. and not even a ripe one...
*I still find myself shaking my hand at something funny.. like how the Peruvians do... but here in the states.. NEGATIVE!.. you laugh or you just sit there..
*I still can't get over the fact that I AM DRIVING myself places instead of haggling a person to take me there for less than 50 cents.
*...and honestly.. it's just weird to see white people.. no offense to ANYONE.. but I miss seeing latinos.
*But what I think that I'm trying to recover from the most.. is being away from my family. There, my family showed me how to love, how to cook, important facts about the Christian denomination and showed me how other people live.




I miss almost everything.. well maybe not my cousin Verji.. but that's cause he picked on me too much...he should learn when to stop. This summer impacted my life greatly, like I said.. everything I look at reminds me of something that has happened this summer...and it doesn't help that for the whole semester I am to write about my future career, a missionary, in my English Comp Class..

As of right now, these are my feelings.. I just felt like I should write about it.. and let some people know how I feel.. I'm sure I'll write again either today.. or tomorrow.. but the 2nd one will be about another thing very dear to me.
XOXO
<3 glenda